


You’ll Always Be My Shining Star

by hermioneclone



Category: Glee
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Male-Female Friendship, death anniversary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-12
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28718922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermioneclone/pseuds/hermioneclone
Summary: Puck comforts Rachel on the one year anniversary of Finn’s death.
Relationships: Rachel Berry & Noah Puckerman, Rachel Berry/Finn Hudson
Collections: Jews on Glee





	You’ll Always Be My Shining Star

**Author's Note:**

> **Original Author's Note, July 12, 2014** : So this is a bit early, but it’s July 13th somewhere by now and almost is where I am. Fic is the way I deal with things and I wanted to write a little something to mark the anniversary of Cory’s death. This is for you, big guy. We miss you and always will.
> 
>  **Warnings** : Discussion of Finn’s death, grief.
> 
> [Original Tumblr Link](https://hermioneclone.tumblr.com/post/91606936700/youll-always-be-my-shining-star)

Curling up on her couch, cradling a steaming hot cup of tea, Rachel was starting to regret not going back to Ohio after all.

She had told Kurt that there were scheduling issues that were beyond her control and that it was impossible for her to sneak away, even for a few hours. But she suspected he knew the truth. Going back was just too hard. Sure, she had gone back for the memorial and for Mr. Shue’s tribute week and the end of Glee Club, but that was different. The pain was still fresh and she needed to be around people who understood, people who knew what Finn was to her, even if they weren’t dating at the time he died. She knew they had been on the path back to being together. It was close enough for her.

That’s what she had told the  _ Funny Girl _ team. That her boyfriend had died suddenly and unexpectedly. They didn’t need to know the complexities of the situation. Of course her current team knew everything, or at least enough to recreate her life for the small screen. They somehow knew about the anniversary, had tried talking her into taking a week off to go back to Lima, but she managed to convince them that work was what she needed. They had held firm that she take today off, telling her to go to a spa or do something to take care of herself. Tucker, the actor they had hired to pay Finn even had sent her a bouquet of flowers. It was really sweet of him. They sat on her kitchen counter near the yahrzeit candle she had lit for Finn.

But Lima now…sure her dads still lived there but it certainly didn’t feel like home anymore, not with the gaping reminders of where Finn wasn’t. She had come back to visit around Chanukah and it just…felt so wrong. As horrible as the first few trips back were, she had been actively in mourning then. It was expected that she would be grieving, no one thought twice if she was crying. But months had passed and somehow, even without meaning to, everyone expected her to be ready to move on. It didn’t feel like she was at liberty to cry anymore, not in public at least. But it was so hard, driving by the school and seeing the football field and thinking about the time she and the other girls filled in for the team. It was hard going to Breadstix and walking past the booth they always shared. She hadn’t even been back to the choir room since the end of Glee Club; that had been its own kind of mourning. It would be too difficult to see that space that held so many memories reduced to a computer lab.

Coming back for the anniversary didn’t feel right. It would just mark the end of the best and worst year of her life, the year it ended and the year it began. It was just a reminder that the world had gone a whole year without Finn’s beautiful smile or his kind heart and that was just too much for her to bear. On some level, she was still in denial, hoping that maybe someday he would show up, it would have all been a horrible misunderstanding and they would be together like they always intended.

But what she hadn’t counted on was that the pain that she usually kept compartmentalized in order to get through the day (and to be perfectly honest, to pull out conveniently in a performance-she felt bad about it sometimes but it was easier to hurt as someone else) would rear its head no matter where she was. And unlike Lima where she at least had her dads but also Kurt and his family, Finn’s family, in L.A. she was utterly alone. She had made friends, sure, but none she really felt she could spill all her sorrows to.

A knock on the front door startled her. Rachel froze, wondering if it was safe to answer it or if she could try and pretend that she wasn’t home. “Rachel, are you in there?” a familiar voice called through the door, muffled slightly. Setting her tea down, she flung off the blanket and dashed to greet her visitor.

“Noah, what are you doing here?” she asked, walking into his outstretched arms and a tight hug.

“Well, I was working on a new script, inspired by my time in the arms service. I thought that I’d shop it around and I knew you were in the biz now so I thought I’d come by and see my favorite Jew.”

“It’s sweet of you to check up on me,” she told him, inviting him in. It was still so confusing to see him without his mohawk, she knew why he had to get rid of it but knowing didn’t make the adjustment any easier.

Puck looked at her incredulously. “I’m so not checking up on you, Berry.”

Rachel scoffed but looked at him tenderly. “I know perfectly well that you know exactly what today is.”

Puck bowed his head, his façade dropping and his face looking years older. “I heard that you weren’t coming back to Lima and I didn’t think it was right for you to be all alone out here today.” He placed a hand gently on her shoulder. “Finn would kick my ass if I didn’t look out for you.”

“I’m fully capable of taking care of myself,” she insisted. “But I do really appreciate you coming all this way. Is Quinn with you?”

Puck shook his head. “Nah, she had too many final projects and end of year stuff at Yale to get away. It’s why she couldn’t make it back for the memorial last year.” Rachel nodded though she didn’t quite understand; they were just in such separate worlds. “Have you eaten?”

Rachel nodded. “Yes, I’ve eaten. Don’t worry, I’m taking care of myself.”

“Good, good,” Puck mumbled to himself. “Okay then, go get some real clothes on and some shoes and maybe a sweater. I’m gonna take you somewhere.”

“Oh really?” Rachel asked, raising an eyebrow. “Where?”

“It’s a surprise,” he told her, his eyes glinting with something close to excitement, as close to a joyous expression that he could muster that day.

* * *

After they had been driving for over an hour, Rachel started to get worried. They were slowly moving into less and less populated areas and Puck was refusing to tell her what his plan was. She knew that she could trust him, he wasn’t luring her out into the middle of nowhere to do who knows what to her. She knew him and he wasn’t like that. But it was strange, being this so far out away from the city, further than she had ever ventured on her own.

Finally, they pulled over to the side of the road, right near a large field. “This is you big plan?” Rachel asked as she followed Puck out of the car, helping him get out a blanket and a picnic basket he had prepared just in case they got hungry.

“I thought a change in scenery might do you some good,” he told her. “You know, so you could see the stars.”

Suddenly everything clicked into place and Rachel felt surprised and incredibly touched. “How did you know about that?” she asked in awe as they spread out the blanket and settled on it side by side.

“Who do you think gave him the idea for naming a star after himself?” he asked cockily as he sprawled out next to her. “Okay, maybe it was his mom, but he practiced that speech on me, like, a hundred and eighteen times.”

Rachel chuckled. “Of course he did.”

“He wanted it to be perfect.”

“It was,” Rachel replied softly. “It’s been a while since I’ve been able to see them. The stars. First New York and now here…it’s a lot harder than back in Ohio.” Even far from the city in the middle of nowhere there was still some residual light pollution; the stars were not nearly as bright and brilliant as they were back in Lima, but it was a comfort to see them all the same. She rolled over and wrapped her arms around Puck’s body, needing the physical connection. Thankfully, he returned the gesture with little hesitation. “Do you think he’s up there? Looking down at us?”

Puck shrugged under her, the motion jostling her body slightly. “I don’t know, I mean, us Jews don’t have the same kind of concept of heaven. But I know he believed in all that stuff, and I can’t imagine that he wasn’t a good enough dude to get past those pearly gates. So yeah, I think he’s up there. And he’s so amazed at what you’ve done this past year, how strong you’ve been. How much you’ve grown up.” His voice grew thick with emotion. “I think he’s smiling down on you, on all of us. He’s always there, you know? Sometimes I swear I feel him…I know it’s silly.”

“It’s not,” Rachel replied, shaking her head. “I do too, sometimes. Feel him.” She smiled, though she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. “You know, I bought him a ticket for  _ Funny Girl _ . He always wanted a ticket for my first show, it felt like the right thing to do. Like maybe it meant that somehow he would actually be there.” She let the drops fall from her eyes, feeling bad about dampening Puck’s shirt but knowing that he wouldn’t mind, that this was why he was here. A few loud sniffs from above her head signaled that she was not alone in her crying. She held him a little tighter.

“That’s sweet,” Puck replied.

“Hmm,” Rachel murmured. “Thank you. For doing this. I think I really needed it.”

“You’re welcome, but to be perfectly honest, I think I needed it just as much.”

“We’ll get each other through this,” Rachel assured him. They lay on the ground, eyes glued to the sky in silence for what felt like at least an hour. Suddenly, a small drop of water landed on Rachel’s cheek.

“Noah, I think it might be starting to rain,” she informed Puck.

“It looks pretty clear to me, maybe it was just a passing cloud or something.”

Nodding, Rachel smiled up at the sky. She knew it was silly, but a small part of her thought that it might be Finn all the way up in the stars, sharing one of his tears with her to let her know that she was not the only one saddened by their distance. But as far fetched as that idea was, it provided the smallest shred of comfort.

And that was enough.


End file.
